Trust Or Not To Trust...

Trust is something that doesn't come easy to me.  I have a small circle of friends that I trust and in that circle only a few that know me completely.  The two that know me completely are the people that I have shown  all my flaws and told them my deepest darkest secrets.  I know they do not judge me and that they love me even when I make stupid mistakes.

I am not one of those people that will trust someone from the beginning.  I listen to them. I watch them. I even test them.  If the person will tell you about her other girlfriend's problems, then more than likely she will tell her other friends about yours.  I even tell them a small tidbit and see if it comes back to me.  I have found that I am usually a good judge of character and know who I can an can't trust.

Dating is a whole different ballgame when it comes to trust.  This department is a slippery slope for me.  I have been cheated on a number of times.  I have also been "that girl".  The one that the guy cheated with.  Not something I am proud of.  I couldn't look at myself in the mirror.  I didn't like being that girl.  I didn't like knowing that I was hurting someone.  But it just was another way to show me that some men can't be trusted.   It's like I had to prove that men were pigs.  So that when I meet a nice guy, I won't get attached. Crap...does that even make sense?

I know that my ramblings are not making sense today.  Just had this in my head because a new person wants in the fold.  So I am sitting here pondering....trust or not to trust.

Blessings,

Ana