Friday, October 3, 2014

Time To Let The Real You Shine

When I wrote my last post, I hadn't looked at the 3rd days challenge yet.  So I found it ironic that today's post is about the High Priestess and I am to ask her for her wisdom for me will be

I would like to think the High Priestess as a dear friend.  She would come over and we would talk over a cup of coffee.  First we would chit chat about the simplest of things, such as the weather, kids, whether the Razorbacks have a chance this year.  Then she would stare at me square in the eyes and say "Don't you think it is time you let the real you shine."

I know me, I would try to get her to change the subject.  But she wouldn't have any of it.   She pulled a mirror out of her bag and made me look at myself.   You are enough.  You have no one that you need to hide from.  You are beautiful from the inside out.  Let them see what I see.  You don't have to be strong all of the time.  Learn to lean on someone when you need them.  Even if you don't need them, lean on them.

We finished up our coffee and we said our goodbyes.  And as she was walking out the door, she turned to me and said one more thing to me..

"That sunshine and daisies that you are always talking about.   Let people see when the sun is dark and the daisies are wilting.  They will still love you."

It's Just Smoke and Mirrors

 When the challenge today was to based off the tarot card The Magician, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about.

The Magician is about making what is possible real.  Manifesting desires, more goal oriented, etc...

I am a master of disguise, the ultimate illusionist, the All and Powerful Oz. 

I am not exactly sure when it started or why but I don't let anyone see the "real" me.   I don't let anyone see me break down because I have to be strong all the time.  I don't tell anyone my desires, my hopes, or my dreams.    I don't like showing vulnerability of any kind.  I don't lean on anyone when I have problems.  I have to be in control. So when you meet me, the person you see is not who I am.  It's just smoke and mirrors.

I don't like this about myself but every time I start a new relationship, I clam up.  I just can't bring myself to let them in.   I even kept my ex-husband at a distance when we were married.  It is part of why my marriage fell apart.  

I am also the girl that would much rather talk about your problems and try to find solutions than deal with my own.  Hence...The All and Powerful Oz "don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain"

So where is this leading to?  I am wanting a healthy relationship with someone that I can be with completely.  Someone that can see all my flaws and be ok with it.  I am a work in progress but I am working on myself.   I will take it day by day with the help of the Goddess and when I do meet that "one" guy, it will be all worth it.



Wednesday, October 1, 2014

And Away We Go....

I have signed up to be part of a writing challenge so that maybe it will make me get off my butt and write more often.   So here we go...

I am the baby of the family.   Due to the age difference, my siblings didn't have much to do with me. I had to learn to entertain myself.  So I made up a world so much different than the one I lived in.  I would visit this world every chance I got.

This other world had no name.  I had one friend in this world that was best friend.  His name was Corbett.  He took me on so many adventures.  We had to save the world from a band of bad guys called the Green Devils.  Corbett and I were a cross between super-heros and police officers.  I was also the Nancy Drew of this world.

There were days that we would ride horses across the prairie just like the Lone Ranger and Tonto.  And then there were days we would be fishing off a raft like Huck Finn.  

This world comforted me when we moved to Arkansas.  My father thought he moved us to a neighborhood with lots of children but most of the children were boys that were so cruel to me.  I was not a cute little girl.  I had long arms and long legs.  And my eyes were way too big for my face.  I had to listen to them call me names all the time.   I would visit my little world to get away from the hurt they inflicted.  And as always  Corbett always knew just what to say to make me feel better.  

I remember the day I said goodbye to Corbett.  I told him I was too old for him and that it was time for me not to return to that world.  It was one of the saddest days of my life.  

As an adult, I sometimes wish I could escape to that world.  Just one day...Just one day away from the daily chaos of my life.