Friday, October 3, 2014

Time To Let The Real You Shine

When I wrote my last post, I hadn't looked at the 3rd days challenge yet.  So I found it ironic that today's post is about the High Priestess and I am to ask her for her wisdom for me will be

I would like to think the High Priestess as a dear friend.  She would come over and we would talk over a cup of coffee.  First we would chit chat about the simplest of things, such as the weather, kids, whether the Razorbacks have a chance this year.  Then she would stare at me square in the eyes and say "Don't you think it is time you let the real you shine."

I know me, I would try to get her to change the subject.  But she wouldn't have any of it.   She pulled a mirror out of her bag and made me look at myself.   You are enough.  You have no one that you need to hide from.  You are beautiful from the inside out.  Let them see what I see.  You don't have to be strong all of the time.  Learn to lean on someone when you need them.  Even if you don't need them, lean on them.

We finished up our coffee and we said our goodbyes.  And as she was walking out the door, she turned to me and said one more thing to me..

"That sunshine and daisies that you are always talking about.   Let people see when the sun is dark and the daisies are wilting.  They will still love you."

It's Just Smoke and Mirrors

 When the challenge today was to based off the tarot card The Magician, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about.

The Magician is about making what is possible real.  Manifesting desires, more goal oriented, etc...

I am a master of disguise, the ultimate illusionist, the All and Powerful Oz. 

I am not exactly sure when it started or why but I don't let anyone see the "real" me.   I don't let anyone see me break down because I have to be strong all the time.  I don't tell anyone my desires, my hopes, or my dreams.    I don't like showing vulnerability of any kind.  I don't lean on anyone when I have problems.  I have to be in control. So when you meet me, the person you see is not who I am.  It's just smoke and mirrors.

I don't like this about myself but every time I start a new relationship, I clam up.  I just can't bring myself to let them in.   I even kept my ex-husband at a distance when we were married.  It is part of why my marriage fell apart.  

I am also the girl that would much rather talk about your problems and try to find solutions than deal with my own.  Hence...The All and Powerful Oz "don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain"

So where is this leading to?  I am wanting a healthy relationship with someone that I can be with completely.  Someone that can see all my flaws and be ok with it.  I am a work in progress but I am working on myself.   I will take it day by day with the help of the Goddess and when I do meet that "one" guy, it will be all worth it.



Wednesday, October 1, 2014

And Away We Go....

I have signed up to be part of a writing challenge so that maybe it will make me get off my butt and write more often.   So here we go...

I am the baby of the family.   Due to the age difference, my siblings didn't have much to do with me. I had to learn to entertain myself.  So I made up a world so much different than the one I lived in.  I would visit this world every chance I got.

This other world had no name.  I had one friend in this world that was best friend.  His name was Corbett.  He took me on so many adventures.  We had to save the world from a band of bad guys called the Green Devils.  Corbett and I were a cross between super-heros and police officers.  I was also the Nancy Drew of this world.

There were days that we would ride horses across the prairie just like the Lone Ranger and Tonto.  And then there were days we would be fishing off a raft like Huck Finn.  

This world comforted me when we moved to Arkansas.  My father thought he moved us to a neighborhood with lots of children but most of the children were boys that were so cruel to me.  I was not a cute little girl.  I had long arms and long legs.  And my eyes were way too big for my face.  I had to listen to them call me names all the time.   I would visit my little world to get away from the hurt they inflicted.  And as always  Corbett always knew just what to say to make me feel better.  

I remember the day I said goodbye to Corbett.  I told him I was too old for him and that it was time for me not to return to that world.  It was one of the saddest days of my life.  

As an adult, I sometimes wish I could escape to that world.  Just one day...Just one day away from the daily chaos of my life.



Sunday, September 28, 2014

Why Can't We Just All Get Along

I have been having writers block lately.  I have been wanting to post something but I just couldn't find the words.  But not today.  I want to share a few things.

But first a few definitions from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online....

  • tolerance - willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs that are different from your own.
  • acceptance - the act of accepting something or someone
  • understanding - a willingness to understand people's behavior and forgive them
  • coexist - to exist together or at the same time; to live in peace with each other.

Those four words are powerful words.  But too many people have forgotten them.  Our society has this "us against them" mentality.   I don't know if it's because of social media and how some people feel the need to air out their dirty laundry but it seems that people are constantly ranting about how they have been wronged or not liking someone because they don't have the same belief system as they do.  I am just sick of it!

I have become quite outspoken lately in some of the groups I belong to.  I have even gone so far as leaving one because the owner of the group speaks of acceptance but doesn't truly accept everyone.  

We can learn so much each other.   I was raised a baptist.  Better yet a southern baptist.  My family are still christian and they are very strong in their beliefs.   I still like listening my mom talk about what her preacher said.  Her pastor is a wonderful man and has shown so much tolerance towards things that most baptist preachers frown on.  I also have a few Muslim friends.  I have been talking to them lately about everything that is going on.  They don't feel the same as the radical ones.    And Pagans, oh my gosh, what can I say about Pagans.  Talk about a hodge podge of belief systems.  I have learned so much from many that don't follow the Wiccan path.  

I want to leave you with another word and it is...

RESPECT - a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way

Plain and simple.  Respect everyone's opinions whether you agree or disagree.  



Saturday, August 9, 2014

To Love this Moon is To Love Myself.

The full moon is rising tonight.  This moon is about looking deep into yourself and seeing the changes within yourself.  To manifest these changes on the outside.  This can make things a little more dramatic in your life but it will be all worth it. Just don't feed into the drama.

This full moon means so much to me.  It is the first full moon at my own place (last months full moon doesn't count).  I am for the first time in a long time...single.  I usually have someone in the wings but I have decided I need a break.  I need to focus on me.  I need to learn to love myself.  I always thought I loved myself but lately I have felt that something was missing.

So since this moon is about looking deep inside of yourself and showing more of your true self on the outside, I think it is a wonderful time to take a hard look at my life.  I am going to spend some time during this full moon to look deep into my heart and work on making the necessary changes to live my life like I have always wanted.

I hope everyone has a blessed evening and bask in this beautiful moon.



Friday, August 8, 2014

Back To School

It is that time of year again.  My house has been a flurry of activity.  We have been doing our back to school shopping.  I have also been organizing my house so that hopefully (crossing fingers) I will be able to keep my house kept up so I don't have to spend a whole day cleaning on the weekends.

This semester will be challenging for me.  I decided to take two classes online on top of the two that I will be taking at the college.  For me to get my degree and still work full-time, this is the only way I can work my degree plan.  I am not happy about it and I decided this year that I am going to start becoming part of the college community and joining a couple clubs so that I can try to make some changes.  Non-traditional students make up a big part of the student population at this college but yet, they treat us as if we are only a blip.  Most classes don't start till 9 or 10 in the morning and they don't offer very many night classes that are not the core classes that everyone has to take.  This makes it hard for the students who work, have families, and don't have the luxury of being available at all times of the day to take classes.  

But anywho....School will start in about a week.

I am hoping to keep up with my blog while I am at school.  I have so many things I have written down that I want to talk about.  



Sunday, July 27, 2014

This Little Thing Called Love

When I was married, I lost who I was.  I was one of those wives that settled in and only did the things my husband wanted.  So when my marriage fell apart, I had to find myself.  It has taken me a long time to get where I am now.  I love the person I have become and the person I am working on being. 

The guy I have been dating for a few months now is a wonderful man.  We enjoy spending time together except I don't have feelings for him.  We are at that point in our relationship that I feel like I should have feelings for him.  I also feel that he is trying to mold me into someone I am not. 

I was telling someone about it  and telling them that I think it is time for me to move on.  That it isn't fair to him.  My friend told me that I just need to learn to love him.  Learn to love him?  I feel like that means I am settling.  I don't want to settle. 

When did relationships become about learning to be in love with them?  That if they treat you good, you should stay with them even if there are no feelings for them.

I know that relationships are not all about passion and fireworks.  But shouldn't you have feelings for them.  I am so worried this guy is going to tell me he loves me and I don't want to lie.  I know what it feels like when you love someone and they don't have those feelings for you.

I fell head over heels in love with someone a few years ago.  I loved how that felt and I loved the person I was when I was with him.  He broke my heart but it gave me a taste of what I wanted.  I still want that. 

I have a lot to think about.