Friday, October 3, 2014
When the challenge today was to based off the tarot card The Magician, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about.
The Magician is about making what is possible real. Manifesting desires, more goal oriented, etc...
I am a master of disguise, the ultimate illusionist, the All and Powerful Oz.
I am not exactly sure when it started or why but I don't let anyone see the "real" me. I don't let anyone see me break down because I have to be strong all the time. I don't tell anyone my desires, my hopes, or my dreams. I don't like showing vulnerability of any kind. I don't lean on anyone when I have problems. I have to be in control. So when you meet me, the person you see is not who I am. It's just smoke and mirrors.
I don't like this about myself but every time I start a new relationship, I clam up. I just can't bring myself to let them in. I even kept my ex-husband at a distance when we were married. It is part of why my marriage fell apart.
I am also the girl that would much rather talk about your problems and try to find solutions than deal with my own. Hence...The All and Powerful Oz "don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain"
So where is this leading to? I am wanting a healthy relationship with someone that I can be with completely. Someone that can see all my flaws and be ok with it. I am a work in progress but I am working on myself. I will take it day by day with the help of the Goddess and when I do meet that "one" guy, it will be all worth it.